If You're Going to Over Censor a Movie to Air on TV, Then Don't Bother

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"BASEketball" is one of my favorite movies of all time. It stars Trey Parker and Matt Stone (the creators of "South Park"), and is about - wait a minute why the fuck am I explaining this? If you haven't seen "BASEketball" already, then shut down your computer and go find it. It's one of the funniest movies of all time.

Purchasing the DVD copy was arguable the best $7.42 I ever spent

"BASEketball" has become somewhat of a cult classic. Not really mainstream in the sense that the casual movie watcher has probably not only not seen it, but probably has never heard of it. That's because the casual movie goer still has their lips around Christopher Nolan's cock because of how original "Inception" was, when the exact premise was used in an issue of "Uncle Scrooge Adventures". I'm not saying that Nolan stole his idea from anyone or anywhere, but if you're using the same ideas as a children's comicbook, is it really that impressive?

For the record, I thought "Inception" was a pretty good movie. The story was pretty good, the acting was brilliant, and the cinematography was beautiful. However, to call it overhyped would be and understatement. Some of the stories were cliche and predictable. I mean come on, when Leonardo DiCaprio says in the beginning "I don't like trains", was it really that surprising that his fear of trains would reoccur in the movie? Like nobody saw that coming. And how about the whole part about him feeling guilty about his wife dying? Like that has never fucking happened before. Then after "The Social Network" hit theaters and was nominated for a handful of Academy Awards and Golden Globes, everyone all of a sudden forgot that "Inception" ever came out. Basically what happened was "Inception" hit theaters during a summer where movies were choking on gun powder. In other words, it was a big fish in a small pond.

I hate trains and my wife is dead. BOO HOO HOO!

Anyways, BASEketball has become a cult classic over the years. Meaning that cable television stations will occasionally air it, because the people that love "BASEketball" will most likely watch it if nothing else entertaining is on. The bad news? Although the content on cable television networks is not regulated in any way by the Federal Communications Commission, networks like MTV and VH1 still choose to censor the shit out of it.

Some movies you can get away with editing. Primarily action movies (because curse words really don'y add anything to an action movie), pre 1990's comedies (most comedies during the 70's and 80's like "Airplane" and "Ghostbusters" were pretty tame), and Adam Sandler movies (because Adam Sandler movies are not really all that funny to begin with).

If you told me that this was Sandler's next movie, I would not be surprised

But with BASEketball, why bother? The main characters swear in every sentence and a lot of the jokes relate to sex. If you're going to chop and dub over the entire movie, you're essentially cutting out 50% of the good parts. That would be like if ESPN aired the NBA All-Star game on ESPN Classic and cut out all of the dunks and buzzer beaters.

Not only do networks chop, dub, and censor the fuck out of a lot of these movies, but it's ridiculously noticeable. As I said before, cult classics are usually beloved by their fans. In other words, people who love movies like "BASEketball" have seen the movie more than 10 times and can probably quote/recite 70% of the script. If you're going to take out the part where Coop and Reemer go through that one skank's mom's room at the beginning of the movie, then I'm going to fucking notice. If you're going to dub over half the character's lines, like replacing "Of course we graduated cock, beer?" with "Of course we graduated HEY YOU WANNA BEER?", then I'm going to fucking notice. So by the time they start playing the two douche bags in the driveway at the party and there are only two "appropriate" psyche outs I have already changed the channel because I'm not about to watch one of my favorite movies as if it's one of my children being slaughtered to death. And I'm almost positive that I'm not alone.

So basically, if you're going to ruin the movie for "BASEketball" fanatics like myself, motivating me to change the channel, then why bother airing it in the first place? Wouldn't it be a better idea to just rerun an episode of "The Real World" for all of the sorority girls that are failing out of college because they're too stupid to do their homework and study so they decided to watch MTV instead? Why not cater to your current audience as opposed to pissing on an audience that you're trying to reach?

Furthermore, the people who have never seen "BASEketball" before will get a terrible first impression of it. They will too not be entertained and will likely change the channel within the first ten minutes because all of the good parts are either ruined or non existent. Then there will be people like me who will want to have a viewing party for a classic like "BASEketball", only to have some asshole give me the argument "nah I saw it on MTV not too long ago. That movie was gay".

Either show the movie uncut or don't show it at all. I mean shit, isn't that what v-chip ratings and child restrictions are for? If there is something that parents don't want their kids to watch, then the parents will find a way to block them out. Not to mention the idea of blocking kids out of adult programming is stupid. My dad showed me "A Nightmare on Elm Street" when I was five years old and I graduated at the head of my driver's education class. And with the Internet these days, kids can get their hands on anything they want to watch. You know how many porn sites don't even ask for registration, much less age, to stream videos?

Besides, a lot of kids movies these days teach kids terrible lesson. Take the movie "Brink" for instance. It's about a dumbass skater whose family is poor because the dad was being a dipshit and injured himself on the job, resulting in his layoff. The main character, Andrew Brink, decided that he wanted to start skating for money, which his family forbid him from doing. And his friends, also skaters, told him that he shouldn't "sellout" because he needed to "skate for the soul". Basically, the movie preaches to children that doing what you love for money is wrong. So for all of you preteens that are wanting to be doctors, astronauts, musicians, politicians, actors, and athletes: it is alright to aspire to be the best, unless you are doing it for money.

"But Kirk, the entire theme of BASEketball is based on how athletes and sports teams focus so much on making money as opposed to winning championships and establishing legacies, essentially preaching that selling out and making money is wrong."

First of all, go to hell voice-of-reason-in-my-head. Secondly, I never said that kids have to watch movies aimed for adults, but rather that movies aimed for kids are not necessarily better options. On the flip side, a lot of graphic movies can be educational for children. Take the movie "Child's Play" for instance. It's about this doll named "Chucky" that goes around murdering people in effort to takeover some stupid kid's body. Chucky, who was purchased in a back alley by the boy's mother, manipulated the little boy throughout the entire movie, and the little boy took it because he's a little bitch. When I saw this movie, it taught me two things: One that dolls are for pussies, and two that women cannot sufficiently raise children on their own.

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