How to Empower Women

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I saw this picture on my newsfeed earlier today.

I will say two things about this statement. First, I'm not at all surprised. Women continue to try and rule the world (well, at least in America) by taking away/taking over things that men love. They constantly complain about the wage gap between men and women, despite the fact that it has very little to do with gender discrimination. They get all mad and bitch about Daniel Tosh for making a rape joke at the Laugh Factory. It's also no coincidence that the whole breast cancer fad has invaded the NFL, where players and teams now have to wear pink gloves and shoes during the the month of October. I cannot help but think that if the NFL did the same thing for prostate cancer instead, women would raise a stink that the NFL does not care enough about women.

Secondly, and more importantly, this is a bad idea. Not from the standpoint that it empowers women, it's just horrible execution. Ladies, if you want to pussify American men, it's simple. Here's what you do:

1) Find the biggest deadbeat you know
2) Have unprotected sex with him until you get preggers
3) Have his baby boy (if you're so lucky)
4) Spend his entire life telling him that all men are assholes, especially his father
5 [bonus]) Make sure he watches every stereotypical sitcom, movie, and romantic comedy that preaches that love is the key to happiness and that the good guys always win

Trust me ladies. Your son will be convinced that as long as he is a nice guy, he will find a girl to fall in love with. He will open doors and pull out chairs for ungrateful girls, pay for sexless dates, and get stood up and ignored for bigger assholes. Girls are attracted to guys that treat them like shit. And after your pussified son has spent most of his life getting limited action, he'll probably settle for and marry a hot single mother because he feels sympathy for her because she is going through what his mother went through. What's the worse that can happen? If she decides she doesn't like him after a few years, she can always take half his things, and in some cases, child support to help feed her stupid children.

The man loses, the woman wins.

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