I couldn't help but notice the Marriage Isn't For You article making rounds on Facebook yesterday, mostly from eagerly agreeing female friends of mine, as well as people sharing the sentiment that people need to be less selfish.
If you have not read it and do not feel like reading it, let me sum up the thesis for you: You marry to make someone else happy. Marriage is not about you. It's about the person you love. It's about being selfless, and that the more you show affection toward the person you're with, the more love you will receive back. If you're not willing to sacrifice, then marriage isn't for you.
Which makes me want to ask: Why the fuck would anyone want to live their life for someone else?
Just let that sink it for a second. Sure, let's say you're lucky enough to find "the one" - Someone that you're compatible with that shares your interests and loves you the same, if not more, back - You're basically signing a legally binding contract agreeing to live your life for someone else's best interests. Someone else's happiness, not your own. So essentially, according to Seth Adam Smith, marriage is about legally enslaving yourself to someone else. And if you (or the other person) decide that you've had enough, no problem, you can just go to court and have your soon-to-be ex-spouse take half of your property, and in some cases, money in the form of alimony.
Pardon me for being cynical, but the odds of you finding someone who shares the same interests as you that you're also compatible with, and having you guys live together and share the same life for 50+ years, are slim. Marriage made more sense when the average lifespan was 35 years, and women had less rights. Now? People are living well into their 70s and 80s. On top of that, women go to college, build careers, go to the office, open Facebook accounts, have smart phones. Basically, it's much easier for women to meet guys, find lovers, and make new friends than it was pre-1960 when women stayed home all day and did housework. All I'm trying to say is that it's unreasonable to expect people to not change over time and stay loyal.
Hey that's another thing - If marriage is about living for the other person, then why do women (and sometimes men) feel the need to take money and property if things don't work out? If marriage is about making your spouse happy, then why do people feel the need to take unearned property and money in divorce settlements? Not to mention the increase of unnecessary restraining orders, which can adversely impact a man's career and psychological health.
Is it really worth trusting your life to someone who might not be the same person months, years, or even decades into the future? Even if your spouse is a mature, sane, well adjusted person, who's to say that they won't look out for their best interests when shit hits the fan? What if they're a great person, and the marriage ends on relatively good terms just because your lover decided that they wanted out? Oh, and they might even take you to the cleaners in that instance, too.
Some may argue that the logic behind the thesis is that everyone who gets married should have the intention of making the person that they love happy, which ideally would make for a successful, long lasting, healthy relationship. Fair enough, except that Seth Adam Smith says "you marry to make someone else happy". So I have to ask once again: Why the fuck would anyone want to sign a contract to dedicate their life to making someone else happy?
That's the dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard. You should never get married just so that you can please another person for the rest of your life. You should get married because it benefits you. Because you love the person that you're committing yourself to, and enjoy their time and company. Furthermore, they should be your partner in life, and you should trust each other with essential life decisions that will enhance both of your lives and your relationship. If you're a wonderful, honest, hardworking person that takes care of the people that you love, then their life should enhance by default. You should marry to make yourself happy, not someone else.
Also, if you do decide to get married, make sure to get divorce insurance in the form of a prenuptial agreement. Always lookout for yourself first.