Fuck you, Bill Goldberg!

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I have been on a huge abortion kick lately. And no, I have not had any abortions or funded any abortions as of late (although I would not mind helping a woman get an abortion). What I mean is that I have had countless arguments and discussions recently. From my rivalry with Mary Magdalene , to the George Carlin and Rick Santorum quotes getting passed around the Internet, all capped off with the Susan G Komen-Planned Parenthood controversy, I keep finding myself in the middle of debates about the morality of abortion, whether it should be legal, whether or not Pro-Lifers are horrible people (they are), etc.

The two graphics above have been spread around the Internet like AIDS around Africa

With nothing but Roe vs Wade on my mind, I had a very strange dream a couple of nights ago. There was this middle-aged woman running around, suffocating innocent babies[1] . She went from houses, to hospitals, to playgrounds - Suffocating any baby that she could get her hands on. For some reason, nobody cared to investigate what was going on.

[1] I don't know why I, or anybody, uses the terms "innocent babies" or "innocent children". Doesn't this usually go without saying? Aside from a handful of kids that join street gangs or work for Al-Queda, aren't most babies and children innocent? Unless you want to throw them under the bus if the mother dies during labor or commits suicide from postpartum depression. I'm always trying to find problems to blame on children and babies.

I asked some random person what the hell she was up to, and was told that the woman is killing babies to protest Roe vs Wade. Her logic was that born, living babies are the same as tiny embryos inside a woman's stomach, and that if it's okay to kill babies inside of a woman's uterus, then killing babies that are outside the womb should be fair game as well (I know, I think Pro-Lifers are bonkers as well).

I decided that I was going to blow the whistle on this crazy bitch and call the police. Before I could, someone warned me that contacting authorities was a bad idea. Why? Because whenever someone tries to stop or investigate her, she sends Brock Lesnar to kill them with his bare hands. And before I knew it, someone said "Uh oh, we have company!" - And Brock Lesnar was off in the distance walking in my direction. He was coming after me.

I would rather duke it out with a pregnant chick than Brock Lesnar

So I did what any unarmed civilian would do if Brock Lesnar was hunting them down - I ran. As Lesnar chased me, I tried to find help and/or places to hide. After running through a random city, I saw Bill Goldberg getting into a car. I instantly remembered that Goldberg defeated Brock Lesnar at Wrestle Mania XX, and inquired him for help.

Me: "Goldberg! Sorry to bother you, but I really need your help."
Goldberg: "What's up?"
Me: "Brock Lesnar is trying to kill me. You have beaten him before, I know that you can stop him. I will do anything to repay you..."
Goldberg: (smiling) "Brock Lesnar? HA! He's all talk. You could totally kick his ass."

Goldberg defeated the mighty Brock Lesnar at Wrestle Mania XX
Goldberg then got in his car, closed the door, and drove off. He left me hanging. Fucking seriously, Bill Goldberg? Brock Lesnar is only one of the youngest WWE Champions ever, wrestled for the University of Minnesota, held various MMA and UFC belts, and played on the Minnesota Viking's practice squad for about ten minutes. He also F-Five'd the Big Show and Rikishi. All fighting knowledge aside, Brock Lesnar is the size of a silver back gorilla! Even if I had a knife and a baseball bat, I'm pretty confident that Brock Lesnar could still hand me my ass.

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