I spend a ton of time on Facebook.
A good chunk of the time that I spend on Facebook consists of flat out fucking with people.
Getting people's attention.
Sometimes I will say stuff that I really mean, just to get a debate going. Other times, I post tasteless and crude remarks just to see how many people I can piss off. My personal favorite was after the New Orleans Saints won the Super Bowl, and people were still on the feel-good bandwagon because of what Hurricane Katrina did to the city four years prior. And thus the night of the Super Bowl, my status read "What a great win for the Saints. New Orleans just has not been the same since 9/11".
And then there are the times I go after the masses.
This is where I mock certain status trends of the given time period. This most recent instance occurred the night the Health Care Bill was passed by Congress. After the news spread, a ton of people on Facebook dedicated their status updates to bitch about the it. About how this was going to cripple America. How America was becoming a Communist or Socialist country. How this was the beginning of the end to the United States.
Boo! Hoo! Hoo!
I decided to take the mock approach, where I pretended to be a conservative extremist who was upset about the Health Care Bill passing in Congress. This lead to a first for me. Not only did liberals take me seriously and get pissed off, but conservatives also took me seriously and supported me. This lead to a fun thread to read, where my buddy, Someone-Who-Jokingly-Fucks-With-Others, and I took turns messing with people.
Me: OH MY GOD! AND YES I SAID GOD BECAUSE I AM A FAITHFUL, CHRISTIAN REPUBLICAN. HOLY CRAP, THE HEALTH CARE BILL PASSED!? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! THIS IS THE END OF AMERICA AND THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT! THIS IS WORSE THAN 9/11!
Dumbass-Who-Takes-Me-Seriously: ... Dude... Really?
Other-Dumbass-Who-Takes-Me-Seriously: are you serious???????
Ignorant-Conservative-Who-Agrees-With-Me: i totally agree kirk. thats so messed up... we're doomed. say hello to socialist america
Someone-Who-Jokingly-Fucks-With-Others: Dude bro, I can't believe you would say this.
Ignorant-Conservative-Who-Agrees-With-Me: believe it guy... lets just keep giving people less and less incentives to strive to make it. just give everyone foodtstamps, unemployment and healthcare even though its depleting our country.... fuck that, thats whats wrong with this country. we might just need another Great Depression to make people realize that a government isnt immortal.
Someone-Who-Jokingly-Fucks-With-Others: Bro dude, I get it now. This is not the America Jesus would have wanted when he founded it.
hahahahahahahaha. ignorant. nothin to do with jesus. people wonder why we're in a depression when we encourage big spending by the govt ANNNND laziness of the american people. get a job and buy your healthcare like a real man. peace
Someone-Who-Jokingly-Fucks-With-Others: Whoa, hold the phone Mr. Brojangles! You ended your statement with "peace" but how can we have peace when this country is TEARING ITSELF APART!
Person-Who-Also-Fucks-With-People: Haha yeah. Fuck poor people. Lazy bastards. Projections that this will cut the deficit by a bil are bullshit. Mathematicians don't know math. Also math is witchcraft.
Me: Wait a minute Ignorant-Conservative-Who-Agrees-With-Me, I agree on the whole health care thing, but are you asserting that Jesus did not in fact found America?
Sharp-Dude: Sounds like Ignorant-Conservative-Who-Agrees-With-Kirk's got it figured out to me
Dumbass-Who-Takes-Me-Seriously: This thread disgusts me. America is not doomed. The passage of a bill which will provide healthcare to 47 million Americans, is not fucking worse than 9/11and that may be one of the most ignorant things Ive ever heard in my life. I kid you not when I say I think you should appolgize for such an asinine comment. I also encourage every to go back to ... See Moreschool. Take a social stratification class. Take a social work class. Please do some research because many of Americas poor are not "lazy"... In fact many work two jobs, and still can't afford to support their families, and so yes... We give them food stamps... Food... We're talking about giving people food and medicine, and this is the end of the world!? Have you no decency!?
Me: Okay Dumbass-Who-Takes-Me-Seriously, I will admit that America is not "doomed". I think I went a little too far there. But come on, this IS worse than 9/11, and poor Americans ARE lazy. Maybe if they didn't spend all of their precious money on CD's, comicbooks, and going to the movies, they'd be able to buy their stupid kids some medicine.
Someone-Who-Jokingly-Fucks-With-Others: You Godless Americans just aren't getting it, are you? We don't need health care! If you have faith in the lord, your wounds will be healed! Also, what's with this 9/11 talk? 9/11 happened because we as a country have lost our faith! Jesus is punishing us for swaying from the ideals that he set forth when he made this country!
Sharp-Dude: The fact of the matter is that so many Americans that dont need it already take advantage of the programs we have in place to help the less fortunate. This bill is another thorn in the tax payers side. As noble as it is 47 million people on government healthcare and how many of them will be lazy bastards that are taking advantage? A lot, my friend. And no this is obviously not as bad as 9/11. thousands of people will not die in one day... i dont think
Someone-Who-Jokingly-Fucks-With-Others: Sharp-Dude, have you heard of The Rapture? Think again sir, think again.
Sharp-Dude: You think the rapture will be the day they pass the bill? lol
Someone-Who-Jokingly-Fucks-With-Others: Oh Sharp-Dude, if only you were as well educated as I am.
Sharp-Dude: ha so educate me. Im going to guess the lot of ya are all atheists and just fuckin around aye?
Me: I don't know what makes you guys think that I am A) Being sarcastic and B) an Atheist.
Sharp-Dude: because you're sarcastic and a shock value enthusiast, no offense. really your not? that was a sincere post?
Me: ....I cannot slide one past you, Sharp-Dude! You certainly are one sharp dude. I am actually posting this on my website. On the page, I gave everyone anonymous identities. I originally had you as "Random-Dumbass", because, you know, you disagreed with me. And I love to insult people who disagree with me for no logical reason whatsoever. But since I see that you are in fact not some random dumbass, I will change your name to "Sharp-Dude", so everyone who reads it will be aware that you are in fact a sharp dude.
Those were pretty much the highlights. I find great humor when people take me too seriously. If not the fact that my status was on caps lock, I thought the whole 9/11 punchline would give away the hint that I was being facetious. Stupid of me to think that the people that I am friends with on Facebook aren't total dipshits.
Update: I have changed the identity of "Random-Dumbass" to "Sharp-Dude", to clear any confusion about the person posting on the thread.