Wanna get on TV? Try putting on some weight

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Most of the shows on television today are about fat people and pregnant women, which is disappointing because I am dying to see a reality show about pregnant men. Guess I can't win them all.

Seriously though, it seems like I cannot check my cable television guide without seeing some reality show about pregnant women or fat people trying to lose weight. Here is a list of shows currently on television with one of the premises:

I used to be Fat
Too Fat for 15
Man vs. Food
Biggest Loser
I'm Pregnant And...
16 and Pregnant
Teen Mom

This is not even counting talk shows like "Dr. Phil" and "Maury" that often feature fat and pregnant people, or shows like "True Life" and "My Strange Addiction" which also cover similar topics. Furthermore, all of the shows about hoarding and pack rats feature morbidly obese people more often than not.

I find all of this ironic because of the myth that you have to look good and be thin to get on television. Even in the past, reality shows like "Real World" pretty much required the characters to be attractive or or attractive and flat out insane. Not anymore. Now fat and disgusting people have a shot at television too. In fact, taking everything I just said into account, I'd go as far to say that the fatter you are, the better odds you have of getting on television. So if you want airtime and fame, even if it is for the wrong reasons, then start scarfing down that extra Big Mac and pack on those pounds.

Another thing that I find intriguing is that fact that so many people watch all of these shows. Our society has gotten so cynical to the point where it's chilling: People find joy and happiness by knowing that other people out there are fatter, uglier, and more miserable than themselves. And I have not even mentioned other shows like "Cops", "To Catch a Predator", and "Intervention". Sure, there are some people that like to watch the demise and struggles of others struggling with addiction/personal demons or getting arrested. However, the most prominent subject is fat, fat, and fat. And pregnant, which is usually also fat. It brings us joy to know that there are people out there that are fatter than we are. Amazing.

Even if it's not entertaining, at least you will feel better about yourself

My favorite one of these shows by far is "Fat Camp", which used to be on MTV. It's genius. MTV took dozens of fat, immature kids from both genders, put them all on a camp ground that they are not supposed to leave, and took all of their food away. Meanwhile, the community is still like high school. All of these kids have drama like with any other stereotypical reality show.

The best part? Because all of these kids are already insecure and emotional, and now have not coping mechanism to deal with their personal demons, the drama is instantaneously kicked into overdrive. More stress, more anxiety, and more outbursts. These kids snap at each other over the stupidest shit. Like this one girl who fell out of a chair and twisted her ankle in the process. Instead of being mature and just getting up, she just sat their and cried for 10 minutes. Then her roommates bitched at her for stinking up the cabin because she refused shower, to which she replied "I'll show them! I won't shower for three days!" What a hog.

The kids on this show are so stupid it's hilarious. In one episode, these two sows sneak off the camp grounds to get some Pop Tarts from a local convenience store. On a side note, Pop Tarts are disgusting. They have little flavor, no nutritional value, they are full of sugar, and do not curb appetites. If you are over the age of 11 and still eat Pop Tarts, then you need to rethink your life, complete your General Education Development, and become a normal, functioning human being like everyone else in society. Anyways, the camera crew followed the two sows around all the way to the store, and the sows even talked into the camera and shit. Then when one of them was confronted about the situation by the camp director, she denied the whole thing despite the fact there he clearly had video evidence of her breaking the rules. What an idiot.

Snack time on the show is priceless. I'm not sure what time increment the snack times are on, but there is a point where the counselors announce snack time and give out healthy food, like apples. All of the kids run up like a bunch of zombies and chomp on their food as if they had just gotten out of the desert. Laughing at fat kids is so much fun.

The camp director is awesome. All he does is drive around in his golf cart and talk down to all of the fatasses there. He even tells supporting parents to go away if they come to visit the kids. He's so relentless and could give a shit less about anyone's feelings or emotions. It would be like if you put a Mafia Don in charge of an entire heard of fat kids. It sort of reminds me of the guys from "Cake Boss", which reminds me...

I cannot take this "Cake Boss" show seriously. It's a bunch of Italians that work on decorating cakes in a small kitchen. I saw an episode where the head guy was playing with Easy Bake Oven. Which would not be so bad if these guys were not trying to be so tough all of the time. Everyone talks to each other like they are about to throw down, the only problem is that they are decorating cakes, which is what elderly women do. I don't care how big or threatening someone is, if they are decorating cakes, there is nothing about them that can intimidate me.

If you don't finish the icing Ima break ya teeth!