Need your faith in humanity restored? Try reading regurgitated content

Home   E-mail

Ever find yourself reading, or perhaps even sharing, that viral internet article titled "Photos that will restore your faith in humanity"? It was some pretty uplifting shit, wasn't it? There you were, depressed and unkempt, pondering about how mankind was doomed for a devastating decline, only to have a handful of pictures completely change your attitude on life.

Well, here's one picture that won't restore your faith in humanity.

That's right. That article you read is so mindless and unoriginal that it has literally been written and rewritten on numerous different websites, each with a different author. Seriously, do people even come up with their own ideas anymore? That's what this picture tells me: Instead of new ideas in the future, people will just steal ideas and pass them off as their own, thus destroying progress and innovation. Faith in humanity = Lost. I get annoyed enough as it is whenever I read list articles that were lifted from AskReddit, because some uncreative blogger needed to hijack stories and opinions from strangers to generate interesting material. But this "restore your faith in humanity" repost phenomenon is getting ridiculous. Furthermore, it's patronizing because it suggests that people shouldn't already believe in the future of mankind, only to punch people in the dick with a series of supposedly heartwarming photos. Take this picture of a sign from a random bookstore.

How thoughtful: A bookstore owner that allows strangers to read their books free of charge. You know what other bookstore does this? The iBooks store on my iPhone and Mac. Interestingly enough, I don't see a picture of the iBooks app on this list, which has tens of thousands of titles available for free[1]. The iBooks store is also more convenient because of its search engine that enables me to search for what I want, allowing me to find a title instantly without having to glance at countless shelves for hours like a fucking Neanderthal. In fact, I don't even have to leave the house to get to the iBooks store. I can scour the iBooks store while I'm boning a girl from behind in the comfort of my own home. Is the owner of Altruism Books going to come to my house while I'm in the middle of a thrust and allow me to browse their selection? Get the hell out of here.

[1]When researching this article, I discovered the eBook app, which exclusively searches for free books for iBooks, Nook, and Kindle.

Maybe if this free bookstore store existed in Europe in 1367, when literacy was outlawed and discouraged in most places, then it might restore my faith in humanity. But in an era with smartphones, the Internet, Amazon, iBooks, and Google? Why is this such a big deal? To imply that this bookstore is so magnificent knowing well that iBooks and Amazon exist would be like having a conversation about how amazing video games are in 2014 and someone saying "Yeah, Playstation 4 is pretty nice. But have you played the Sega Genesis? Sonic goes so fast! And you can buy Sega Channel so you can download games online!"

Another story I often see on these stupid articles is the one of Meghan Vogel, a former all-state track star from Ohio. During a late-season track meet, Vogel was trailing an opposing runner the entire race until the girl collapsed on the final lap. Instead of winning the race like a true champion, Vogel stopped 20 meters short of the finish to go back and help her injured opponent complete the race. The image of Vogel helping the hurt runner has been applauded by many as the pinnacle of compassion and sportsmanship, and apparently is supposed to restore my faith in humanity.

This does the opposite of restore my faith in humanity. Is this something that Michael Jordan would have done? Fuck no. Jordan would have tried his hardest to win the race, then he would have won the race, only to sprint another lap just to mock his injured opponent as a means of reminding the entire world who's boss: Michael Jordan. The Looney Toons would be slaves on Moron Mountain if Michael Jordan had this sacrifice-my-accomplishments-and-rather-help-the-person-behind-me attitude. I find it interesting that Vogel dons apparel made by Nike, as if Nike would endorse such nonsense. Nike only endorses winners.

Meghan Vogel should be praised for her talents and abilities on the track, not for helping her gimping opponent cross the finish line. Vogel's parents, coaches, fans, and teammates all counted on her to lay the smack down. Instead, she posted a DFL all for the sake of helping the person who was trying to beat her. What a farce. That's what trainers and coaches are for. It reminds me of that time Microsoft gave millions of dollars to Apple in the 90's to help promote "fair competition", only for Steve Jobs[2] to make his triumphant return and bring Apple back to glory. I bet Bill Gates wishes he hadn't given Apple that money now.

[2]On a related note, one of the first things that Steve Jobs did when he returned to Apple was halt all of the company's charitable contributions.

If you need pictures of people rescuing animals from floods to restore your faith in humanity, then perhaps you should rethink your life. You know what keeps my faith in humanity spinning? The fact that there are people planning to colonize Mars. That's humanity, bitch. We find other planets, then to travel to those planets so that we can make that shit habitable. I remember when I was in fifth grade, I asked my teacher if we would ever put a man on Mars, only to be laughed at by my classmates, and for my teacher to condescendingly respond "Kirk, Mars is too far!" as if to suggest that a ten year old would be retarded to even conceive of such an idea. Elon Musk isn't retarded, he's a billionaire. No thanks to teachers that told him he couldn't do it.

Here's my advice for the "writer" that posts the next list of pictures to restore my faith in humanity: Unless it's nothing but pictures of Elon Musk, don't bother. Maybe have one picture of one of those sex robots from Japan. Speaking of which, all this talk about sex robots is getting me hard. Am I the only one that's pumped for sex robots? That's one way to restore your faith in humanity: Instead of making robots to that will start a war with humans like in "Terminator", we're making them for sexual pleasure. Imagine all of the rape, pedophilia, and sexual slavery this will cut down on. On the other hand, if us men make women obsolete by replacing their vaginas with machines, then I don't know how humanity will continue. While sex robots might kill my faith in humanity, my roboner will live on.

Share on Facebook