I was vacationing in the Bahamas with my friends Bruce and Charzard (they're a couple), and everything was amazing. We were drinking on the beach, enjoying the sunny weather.
All of a sudden, there is an attack on the beach! This ginormous swarm of raging, wild pigs is unleashing havoc, terrorizing everyone on the beach. We run inside the hotel, take an elevator up to a higher floor, get drinks at the bar, and continue on relaxing as if nothing abnormal is happening. I guess this is what most people do while under attack from wild pigs.
Everyone was cool and calm, except for me. I am wondering how the fuck the wild pig situation was going to be handled. Then someone informs me that this happens in the Bahamas all the time. Apparently, there is this ongoing conspiracy where Major League Baseball keeps terrorizing the Bahamas because they want to put an American League baseball team there, but the government refuses.
So one of the government ambassadors is at the hotel, and ends up doing one of those megaphone negotiations with the commissioner of Major League Baseball. The commissioner is across the street, hiding behind a car to avoid snipers, and apparently has ways of calling off the wild pigs. This is where the dream gets awesome, because I discover that the commissioner of Major League Baseball is Jack Bauer!
Now that "24" is over, Jack Bauer works effortlessly to get an American League baseball team in the Bahamas
I do not remember the exchange, but Jack Bauer said something along the lines of "Tell your President to let us build a stadium and then I can call off the pigs!". As commissioner Bauer is negotiating, this arabic kid (I know, my subconscious is racist) sneaks up behind him with a knife. Bauer then turns around, puts the kid in a headlock, takes the knife, and cuts him along the chest while screaming "What did I tell you about sneaking up on me!"