Dogs are terrible pets

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Dogs are nothing but stupid animals. All they do with their time is sit around and bark and random people that walk by. Quite frankly, I think that dogs are over rated. One time, I was at the store and saw the front page of a newspaper that sported a picture of cats at an animal shelter. I asked the clerk "do you like cats?" and she responded "not really, I'm a dog person". Oh, so you can ONLY like one or the other? It's not like they are polar opposites. What a dumbass.

Have you ever thought to yourself "man, I sure could go for a barbecue, golden retriever sandwich right now"? I often ask people this question, and they flip their lid at me like I'm an evil dictator. "How could you eat a dog? Dogs are smart". Yeah? Pigs are smarter than dogs, and people have been eating pigs for thousands of years without thinking twice about it. Besides, has anyone really tried barbecuing a golden retriever and feasting on its' meat? Who knows? it could be tasty. Tastier than bacon.

All dogs are good for is shitting and vomiting in my house while I'm not there. And eating their own fecal matter, which in turn makes me want to vomit. People also like to argue in favor of dogs versus cats by saying that when a human dies, the house cat will eat their master, whereas the dog will lay down with their human counterpart and die with them. Seriously, who the fuck is that selfish that they would want their pet to die with them? People who own dogs have some serious ego and self-esteem problems. No wonder why psychologists recommend them to old people.

I have also noticed that people often argue that dogs serve as a good protector from intruders. You know what else serves as an efficient protector? Security systems and semi-automatic riffles. The only difference is that guns and home security systems don't have to be fed, taken to the vet, and certainly don't shit all over my bark yard. Besides, most house dogs are small and unable to really attack or intimidate a burglar, and there is a chance that a burglar may slaughter a dog if they have a weapon on them. And yeah, they do bark when the occasional stranger walks by the house, which alerts the human counterpart of a potential intruder. On the other hand, dogs also bark endlessly at squirrels, moving spots of light (reflections of watches, flashlights, etc), and thunder and lightening. So much for being intelligent animals.

Another thing I don't really understand is why everyone got all mad at Michael Vick for making dogs fight and kill each other. Aren't people allowed to hunt deer? Doesn't most of the meat that people in America eat come from animals that have suffered in condensed habitats? I'm not saying that what Michael Vick did was moral, but damn I do like to see that quarterback scramble. Meanwhile, there are countless fatass, redneck lineman that go hunting all the time and never get in trouble. In fact, there are some NFL players who actually kill people, and don't go to jail at all! What a load of crap.

I also read somewhere that dogs get all depressed when left at home for extended periods of time. Well boo hoo hoo! What a pathetic animal. Seriously, you feed and take care of them, and then they bitch and moan when you leave the house. Cats can at least be toilet trained. What I'm trying to say is that we should eat dogs, because they might taste better than other animals. After all, people eat cows, and cows actually serve a purpose in life. They supply humans with delicious milk and luxurious leather recliners. Dogs are just annoying.