A Stuffed Animal Won't Bring My House Back

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The other day I saw another AllState commercial with Dennis Haysbert, which is disappointing because I loved Haysbert when he played President David Palmer on "24". President Palmer was basically Andrew Jackson if Andrew Jackson were black and gave a damn about other people. Wait a minute, that last part makes President Palmer lame. I want my President to be a soulless emperor who conquers anything that stands in his way, just like Jackson would.

In the AllState commercial, Haysbert talks about how AllState gave out over 12,000 teddy bears to children who lost their homes, which is a total waste of money. What the fuck AllState? Children do not pay for home, dental, health, or auto insurance, so they do not deserve shit when things go wrong. If they deserve anything, it's a belt to the bottom for not doing enough cleanup work after natural disasters like earthquakes and tornadoes strike. Look at what happened in Haiti, Japan, New Orleans, Chile, and most recently Alabama: thousands of caring adults stepped up, volunteered to cleanup wreckage as well as deliver supplies to those in need, and donated millions.

Did any kids volunteer after those disasters? Hell no. All kids do these days is sit on their asses, play video games, read comicbooks, and prance around on YouTube talking about how they don't want a husband until they get a job first.

Instead of getting a job, this little brat should learn some manners before getting married

That girl is lucky this isn't 1920, or else she would grow up as an adult during the 1940's and get smacked around for saying stupid things. And of course, if her house gets wrecked by mother nature (which she totally deserves), AllState will hand her a teddy bear. I hate AllState.

For the price of all those bears, AllState probably could have fixed up a house or two. Glad to know that AllState uses thousands of dollars in hard earned insurance payer's money to spend on stuffed animals. Newsflash to AllState: A stuffed animal is not going to bring my house back. I'd be better off if Dennis Haysbert showed up and handed me a dead fish. At least I can rub two sticks together and eat the fish, then sharpen the sticks so that I can stab Haysbert in the heart in effort save the world from the blood sucking vampires that are AllState Insurance. This goes without mentioning the fact that when I purchased my car last year, AllState had higher rates than all of my perspective insurance providers, including AAA, Geico, and StateFarm. Well, now that I know where the extra dollars are going, I will for sure never buy any insurance from AllState. That's where Kirk Wilcox stands. And you're not in good hands if all you have to your name is a measly toy after a tornado destroys your property.

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