After not watching wrestling for a couple years, I decided to give WWE Fastlane a whirl the other night. I watched the pay per view because my friend Mal had slept over the previous night, and she never misses a show. Because Fastlane was so disappointing, and because it was my first night having WWE Network, Mal and I ended up binging on wrestling for about nine straight hours. We watched an episode of Monday Night Raw from 1999, followed by the 1999 Royal Rumble, which sparked lots of fun conversations, including this one -
Mal: "I was always a DX girl. DX over nWo all day!"
Kirk: "DX for life! DX was WWE and had the two best wrestlers between the groups" (HBK and Triple H)
Mal: "At least the nWo is Virgil's one claim to fame"
Kirk: :Haha, Virgil..."
Mal: "You remember Virgil?"
Kirk: "Oh trust me, I REMEMBER VIRGIL"
I started watching Wrestling in 1994, after witnessing Lex Luger triumphantly arrive via helicopter on the U.S.S. Intrepid to body slam Yokozuna as a sad effort to play up Luger as an American hero. This was essential for the WWF considering that Hulk Hogan had recently bailed for WCW, and Vince McMahon needed a new all-american wrestler. You'd think that after a decade of Hogan running around with an American flag, brawling foreigners, and turning Sgt. Slaughter heel that someone would have told Vince that the American Hero angle was pretty tired. Apparently someone forgot to send Vince the memo. The angle wasn't tired to me though. I was new to wrestling. And loved America. So yay Lex Luger! U-S-A!
Thereon after, I watched everything wrestling. WWF Superstars, Sunday Night Heat, Smackdown, Shotgun Saturday Night. Hell, I never missed a Monday Night Raw until I was about 16 years-old. I remember there being two jobbers that often got their asses kicked in matches: One of them was the Repo Man, the other was this bald African American wrestler in goofy pants, named Virgil. It wasn't long before Virgil found his way on WCW under the name Vincent as a member of the popular wrestling stable, the nWo, where he had a few more forgettable moments. Virgil is like wrestling's Jesse Heiman: A guy that was around the industry for a while and made appearances in a lot of things, but isn't someone that you remember. Simply put - Virgil is wrestling's version of a glorified extra.
So why am I writing about Virgil? When I was 17, I was in the video production class in high school. My teacher was pretty open when it came to project ideas, so my friend and I decided that we'd check out some equipment and see if we could interview people at the Motor City Comic Con (MCCC). Considering that I wanted to have a career as an on-air talent, I thought this would be a great opportunity to dust off my skills by completely winging interviews with B-list celebrities, leading to this awkward interview with Carlton from "Fresh Prince".
Of course, putting content like this on YouTube is a great way to see how far complete strangers are willing to go to let you know that you suck at life. Here are some of the friendly comments I received from this interview.
And you know what? They were totally right. I was 17, lazy, stupid, and totally not expecting Carlton to let me interview him on camera. And I'm pretty sure that I made him uncomfortable with my borderline racist question about him playing basketball with Will Smith. But that's all besides the point, really. The fact of the matter is that Carlton was gracious enough to let me interview him on camera. What an awesome guy.
But Carlton was just the start. The guy I was really looking forward to meeting was George Lowe, the voice of Space Ghost. Space Ghost was one of my all-time favorite cartoon characters. Lowe also voiced various other characters on shows that I loved. Furthermore, he's an excellent interview.
That was seriously one of the happiest moments of my life. Here I am, this stupid 17 year-old dork that doesn't know what he's doing, and Lowe just completely takes over like it's nothing. Once again, awesome guy. Lowe had the common decency to give me the opportunity to talk to him on camera, and it ended up being a moment that I will certainly never forget.
Now this brings me to Virgil. Before we got to Space Ghost, Carlton, and other artists at MCCC, my friend and I came across Virgil, sitting alone at a table with pictures of him with Ted DiBiase. It took a few minutes, but I finally recognized Virgil after remembering his legendary three minute match with Bastion Booger on WWF Superstars. So I wondered if he would be gracious enough for an interview. Here's how the conversation went -
Virgil: "Who you guys with?"
Me: "WOAK. It's a public access station for the schools in our city."
Virgil: "Man... ABC, NBC, TBS. I'll dance for those guys."
Me: "So can we ask you some questions?"
Virgil: "Man... Get the hell out of here"
Woah! Sorry Virgil! I was unaware that you were too busy not appearing on programming from major networks to answer a few questions from some harmless teenagers trying to complete a project for class. His arms must have been exhausted from signing so many autographs. Next time I'll send my agent to bow down and kiss your ring before such an outrageous request, Virgil.
Now, to be clear, I don't think that I, nor anyone, is entitled to such opportunities. But considering that two people who are more famous than the Amazing Virgil talked to us, and considering that Virgil was such a dick about it, you know what I say? Fuck Virgil. Additionally, I'm a spiteful person. So one could only imagine how delighted I was when Mal mentioned to me that there exists a Tumblr account, called "Lonely Virgil", dedicated to people posting pictures of Virgil all lonely at various conventions. The description in of itself is magnificent:
"Virgil is a self proclaimed "Wrestling Superstar." He wrestled for a time in the early-mid 90s, having lost almost every match, and now spends his days showing up to places, usually uninvited, to try to hustle people in to paying for an autograph."
And here are some pictures of Virgil by himself.
So apologies to Lonely Virgil, for I do not have any footage or images of Virgil being alone at the MCCC in May, 2004. However I hope that this story makes up for it. And yes, from what I saw, Virgil was in fact lonely on this day. Quite frankly, the fact that Virgil spends so much time and effort to sit alone at conventions pleases me. Maybe if Virgil wasn't such an ass he would get more work, more attention, and more opportunities. Maybe if Virgil was a cooler person, fans would actually be delighted to see him at conventions, as opposed to posting sad pictures of Virgil by himself, only to inspire a Tumblr account dedicated to the mockery of an easily forgettable wrestler. This is my tribute to Lonely Virgil.