I Actually Donated Money to Two Causes

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That's right: I actually donated money to two causes. What did you do, change your Facebook/Twitter profile picture to a pink ribbon? Eat my dick.

Last October, I wrote about how making October Breast Cancer Awareness Month is bullshit. This October, instead of complaining again, I tried to make a difference.

All month long, I did a promotion for my website with all of my Facebook friends. It was simple: Share my post about Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and I will donate one dollar to a disease fund/charity that was not Susan G Komen. I thought: "How could this go wrong? All people have to do is share my genius, entertaining work, and lives get saved. There is NO WAY I can lose."

Well I was wrong. Although my website statistics have been at an all-time high this past October, only six people shared my link. Six. And it was not like I only posted it once and forgot about it. I posted the link every week and even tried to get friends to share it. I don't know if my writing is that horrible, controversial, or flat out embarrassing. I figured that if it were at least going toward a good cause that people would spread the word that Breast Cancer Awareness Month is bullshit.

But boy was I wrong. Six shares, people? I could not possibly be that bad, could I? Maybe people would just rather let people die from disease than post my material on their Facebook pages. Well if that were the case, then I would not have seen so many soulless sellouts posting pictures of pink ribbons as their profile pics. Or maybe people thought I was not good for the money, and that I would not follow through on my donation promise.

Well, if you are reading this and still do not believe me, then you lose. Despite only receiving six shares, I decided to go above and beyond and donate $20 to two different disease funds. If you want proof, look at the images below.

I chose Parkinson's Disease because I constantly joke about how Etch-a-Sketch would be a shitty toy if you had Parkinson's disease (which is hilarious, it's okay to laugh). I chose ALS because a lifelong friend of mine was diagnosed a few years back, and I want to bring further attention and awareness to the disease. Overall, I chose both because both are vastly underfunded and under-covered in comparison to Breast Cancer.

So there you have it, I am a man of my word. If you would like to make a donation to a disease fund that is not Susan G Komen, choose one of the links below. And if I ever do a special promotion like this again, don't be a pussy and help save lives, asshole.

Pancreatic Cancer
Cervical Cancer
Lung Cancer
Parkinson's Disease