There's an ongoing debate about which Mighty Ducks movie is the best of the trilogy. I think it's fair to completely dismiss D3 from the conversation considering that D3 is an hour and a half long and only spent fifteen minutes in the theaters. However I sometimes hear people say that D1 was the best of the trilogy, which I think is complete bullshit. In fact, I don's even think it's close. And after watching D1 recently, I have decided to compile a list of five reasons why D2 is hands down the best Mighty Ducks movie.
5) More at Stake
Let's compare what the Ducks were competing for between the two movies. On one hand, you have the Goodwill Games - Playing against the best international competition at the teenage level, national TV, sponsors, collegiate and professional scouts - The stage is pretty fucking huge.
On the other hand, you have a meaningless local Pee Wee hockey tournament.
ZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZzzzzz
Even Coach Bombay admits it at the end of D1 when he gives Charlie Conway a pep talk before his game-winning penalty shot - Miss or make, it doesn't matter what happens, because there will always be other games and opportunities (like the Goodwill Games for instance). I know that hockey is a huge deal in Minnesota, but a Pee Wee hockey game is not gonna make or break anyone's career. Does anyone know how many game-winning shots LeBron James had in AAU? Or how many he missed? Aside from his closest friends, family, and other players and spectators involved, of course not. Why? Because it does not fucking matter, that's why. Any little shithead with a permission slip can play Pee Wee hockey. Only the world's best amateurs play in the Goodwill Games.
4) A lot of the kids in D1 are unbearably annoying
There's a moment in D2 where everyone quits on and turns against Coach Bombay, and for good reason. He had become a conceited sellout, who cared more about himself than the Ducks. He lost focus on who and what mattered, and tried to use the Ducks to get ahead. He was a total asshole.
That wasn't the first time the Ducks turned on him, however. The Ducks turned on Bombay in D1 after misinterpreting a sarcastic statement Bombay said to Coach Reilly, and rejected his acquisition of Adam Banks, the best player in the league. What a bunch of fucking crybaby losers. Seriously, who wouldn't want the best player in the league on their team? Just because he was a Hawk? That would be like a Republican getting upset over America turning around under a Democrat President. I don't care who is on my team, I just want to win. Period.
It pisses me off even more when Bombay goes to the school that the Ducks go to in effort to confront and apologize to his players. Then the fat kid (the worst fucking character in the entire trilogy) turns into a smartass when Bombay asks him if he knows what sarcasm is. What a fat little douche bag. Either he does not know what sarcasm is, which makes him a liar and a dumbass. Or he knows what sarcasm is, and decided to turn the team against Bombay anyway, which makes him an asshole. Fuck him. Fuck the Hall brothers. Fuck the ice skater siblings. Fuck all of the little assholes whom ruined this movie.
3) Better Villains
No disrespect to Coach Reilly and the Hawks. Reilly is a condescending piece of shit whom does anything to win, even if it means playing dirty. First of all, what children's sports coach directs his players to take an opposing player out of the game by brute force? Secondly, which child athlete actually does it? I still cannot get over how insanely brutal the "My job!" scene is -
That's some real Michael Meyers shit right there. And, of course, the endless collar popping.
However, Coach Reilly has NOTHING on Wolf "The Dentist" Stansson. Wolf has the better nickname[1], better legend, and actually played in the NHL; Whereas Reilly has been stuck coaching little kids in Minnesota for decades[2]. You're a shitty coach if you spend two decades coaching people who haven't hit puberty yet. A good coach would move onto bigger and better things. Like Gordon Bombay, for instance.
[1]I keep forgetting that his nickname is actually "the Dentist" and not just "Wolf". That's like two nicknames! And Reilly has none. Wolf wins on this point alone.
[2]Can one make a living coaching Pee Wee hockey in Minnesota? I'm assuming no. With that said, what the fuck did Reilly do for a living? What was his day job? This always bothered me.
And Team Iceland vs the Hawks? It's a no-contest[3]. The Hawks are all the same age, speed, and strength are their Duck counterparts. However, Team Iceland is full of guys in their 20's, and they show no mercy against Team USA. One of the Hawks felt guilty about taking Banks out of the game.
[3]A buddy of mine and I came up with a brilliant idea for D4 - Coach Reilly and Wolf team up and take the NHL by storm. It's up the coach Bombay to stop them, whom teams up with Coach Orion and recruits the Ducks in effort to stop the evil duo.
Nobody fucks with the Dentist
2) Better Characters
As I stated previously - A lot of the Ducks were annoying little vaginas in D1. D2 not only got rid of most of those characters, but introduced some fun ones for good measure. Julie the Cat. Dwayne Robertson. Russ Tyler and the Knucklepuck. Dean Portman and the formation of the Bash Brothers. The hot tutor. Aside from Conway, Reed, Goldberg, and maybe Banks, these are the most beloved and memorable characters of the series.
