The Lombards Kick Ass

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As I was sleeping the other night, I caught a special in H2 about The Lombards - A barbaric tribe that made a career out of ruining shit between 568 and 774. The Lombards were a rowdy bunch known for kicking ass and being men. I watched the special in envy, wishing that I lived back in the days of the fallen Roman Empire.

Hell Yeah

The Lombards had one emotion - Conquer. They used primitive weapons like scythes, swords, and fists to murder their enemies. And by enemies, I mean everyone. As I watched the documentary, I could not help but wonder - Why isn't anyone badass anymore? Today, everybody thinks they're so tough just because they own a gun. Guns are for pussies. Just look at the Columbine Massacre - A couple of chumps got bullied for years, and instead of fighting back like men, they shoot up the school and then take their own lives like a couple of cowards. It's like that quote in the movie "Shoot Em Up":

"Do you know why Americans love guns? People love guns because America is a land of opportunity, where a poor man can become rich, and a pussy can become a tough guy, if he's got a gun in his hand. Now, I'm hopin' you're not just a pussy with a gun in your hand."

This is not to mention that the people who actually train with hand-to-hand artillery, like swords and knives, are still total wimps in comparison to the Lombards. Every year I go to the Renaissance Festival and see a bunch of douche bags trying to act tough by throwing axes and playing with swords, pretending like they're a bunch of Vikings or other type of Barbarian. They don't look so tough when they drive home in their 10 year-old SUVs, where their wives makes them watch "Keeping up with the Kardashians". What a bunch of frauds.

Is it just me, or are humans currently devolving? Humans live like a bunch of scared sheep these days. The Lombards would behead their enemies and recycle the skulls by using them as drinking cups. Now? People carry around bottles of hand sanitizer as if the next bathroom stall door is going to give them AIDS. You know why people didn't die of AIDS back in the 600's? Because the Lombards killed everyone before they could get AIDS.

And sure, humans are more literate and intelligent in today's world. We have nice things like cars, cell phones, computers, and what not. But what the fuck is the point? Nobody even appreciates the things they have anymore. I had to work on Christmas, and this old hag called in bitching about how her two iPads and iPhone were not syncing properly with her over-the-air service, and bitched about how the products were "crappy". Boo hoo hoo! Too much of an idiot to enjoy touch-screen wireless devices? Then throw them away, you ungrateful bitch. That's not to mention the fact that the government is trying to censor the Internet.

The Lombards would train their children in hand-to-hand combat and teach them how to throw spears. Even the Lombard children soly cared about kicking ass. All kids care about today is shopping for the hippest clothes and impressing girls with their purity rings. The fuck is wrong with kids these days? Every time I see kids in public they're running around in expensive clothes screaming like a bunch of jackasses. Meanwhile their parents just stand back, laugh, and point out how "cute" they are. They're not cute, they're fucking annoying.

I think that Suzanne Collins was onto something when she wrote the book "The Hunger Games". That's what this world needs - Is some child-on-child combat. Combat preparation makes children manlier and builds character. In the meantime, we'll thin out the weak AND control the population. I read a story this week about how a bunch of moms in Greece are abandoning their young because they cannot afford to raise them. Those children wouldn't have to starve if they had the chance to fight for their food. Or if they were dead. I don't know why Congress has not mandated this yet. Sounds like a much better idea than censoring the Internet.

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