My Tribute to The Jetsons

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"The Jetsons" kick ass. Anyone who doesn't enjoy "The Jetsons" is nothing more than a filthy communist. How do I know? Because in "The Jetsons", a show that was based in the future and was produced in the midst of the Cold War, communists are extinct. Instead there is nothing but a great American, English speaking family that gets along despite everyone's drawbacks, proving that different people can coexist in a utopia.

You're probably wondering what the hell I am talking about. "The Jetsons" are a prime example of how anybody can become successful with a little patience and a lot of hard work and dedication. Just look at Mr. Spacely. The man is 3 feet tall and has a Hitler mustache. He must have gotten harassed all through grade school and college, yet the man perciviered and started a successful flying car company, "Spacely's Sprockets".

Mr. Spacely always did run his business like a Fascist dictator

And the Jetsons always seem to find joy in life despite the fact that they are a family of misfits. Just look at George: A lanky ginger with a beer gut.

I bet all of his teachers in grade school wanted to count him out because

A) Nobody trusts a ginger
B) He must have been drinking beer since age six to develop that gut

Despite everything going against George, he overcomes countless obstacles and manages to marry the hottest animated cougar of all time, Jane Jetson. Which by the way, I think that Jane is the only one in the family that is normal.

Then we have Judy, who has to be the youngest chick ever to have all white hair. I think it's amazing that Judy manages to bone rock stars despite the fact that she has aged five times faster than everyone else her age. Interesting fact about Judy Jetson: She's a total slut! I remember in that one movie where they run into the Flintstones, Judy breaks up with her boyfriend in the future, then hooks up with another rock star in Bedrock, then goes back to the future to bone more dudes. I'd definitely have some rubbers on hand before sticking it to Judy Jetson. Then again, I wouldn't bone her in the first place because she has white hair, and because she's a minor. Gross.

White haired teenager = Dead boner

Then there's Elroy. What the hell is that thing? Is he like an alien, a midget, or just a fat kid? I honestly don't believe for one second that he's a child, because he is more intelligent than everyone else in the show. And if he is a child, then what the hell is Mr. Orbit doing around him all the time? The guy is old, wears overhauls, and is always around children. I don't trust that guy. And his robot friend is always trying to bone Rosie. Someone should really call Chris Hansen on Mr. Orbit.

Mr. Orbit: What a pedophile

And then there's Rosie, the robotic family maid. I hate her. She's such a conniving bitch. Always kissing ass and sucking up to everyone. There's nothing more that annoys me on this planet than a kiss ass. Also, I'm pretty sure she has Down's Syndrome. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being mentally handicapped. Unless you're a robot. Humans create machines to do work for us, not to make excuses and talk like an incompetent fourth grader.

Many people have made jokes about the show. The most frequent I hear is the racial one, about how there are no black people on the show, so the future looks good. I will admit that the joke did get a chuckle out of me, because I find racial humor hilarious. However, I think the premise is awful. No black people in the future? That would suck balls. That would mean a lousy NBA, mediocre rappers, no comedians talking about how silly white people are, an inarticulate president, and nobody to loudly argue with me about sports in the cafeteria where I went to college.

One thing that bugs me about the cartoon industry is Matt Groening. Everyone praises this guy for bringing "The Simpsons" into the world (which was a great show), and credits him for being so "original" because shows like "Family Guy" sort of copied Groening's style with "The Simpsons". What a load of crap. How come nobody ever calls Groening out on stealing the idea for "Futurama" from "The Jetsons"? The shows are basically the same: Both take place in the future, both have robots, both were on television, and both star characters had red hair. I love Futurama, but come on, can everyone please take their lips off Matt Groening's cock for a few minutes?

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