The worst four weeks of my life

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Everyone works at least one shitty job in their lifetime. Reading this alone may spark up memories of the worst job you ever worked. The scenery. The people. The terrible wages. The work you had to do. It's the sort of job that makes you appreciate what you do now; Because no matter how shitty, boring, excruciating, stressful, or annoying your work may be now, you always think to yourself "At least I'm not doing that". Unless of course, you are currently working a really crappy job.

I have worked several crappy jobs, however there is one that snatches the cake and keeps it all for itself. To clear things up, saying that working this job was the worst job I have ever had is an understatement. Working this particular job was easily the worst four weeks of my entire life.

First, allow me to put things in perspective: My father unexpectedly passed away when I was thirteen years old. On Easter Sunday. Right as Spring Break was beginning. Before you go wagging your finger thinking I'm trying to start a pitty-parade by saying "Boo hoo hoo my life sucks and I'm hopeless", I am well aware that things could be a lot worse. I could be a starving child in a third world country. I could have a terminal illness. I could be wrongfully accused of murder and put on death row. The list goes on. I don't think I have a terrible life and do not want anyone to feel sorry for me.

Nevertheless, unexpectedly finding your father dead on a national holiday is something that nobody would ever sign up for. It's something that someone would lose sleep over. After all, it was not so much about losing a loved one. I had to worry about where I was going to live, who was going to look after me, how my life was going to change, how some things would never be the same. It was not a good time in my life. Also, it did not help the the Miami Heat swept the Pistons the following week.

With all of that said, working at Cedar Point was by far the worst four weeks of my entire life.

If you're in high school or college, or just looking for a fun job, AVOID CEDAR POINT.

Avoid it like a tax collector.

Avoid it like your ex lover.

Avoid it like a child with AIDS.

I'm dead serious. Even in tough economic conditions, there are countless jobs available that are better than Cedar Point. Trust me, you're much better off starving in a back alley in a dangerous neighborhood than working at Cedar Point. Well, unless you want to work 90 hours a week without receiving overtime, then knock yourself out.

Rewind to the Spring of 2007: My sophomore semester at Central Michigan University is almost over and none of the places that I applied to during Spring Break have contacted me. Meanwhile, one of my friends on my floor, who I will refer to as "Charzard", won't shut up about how she just got a job at Cedar Point. Then another person on the floor, who I will refer to was "Goomba", also announces that he will be taking his talents to Sandusky, Ohio. Then it hit me:

"Holy shit, working at Cedar Point would kick ass! There will be tons of other college kids working there. I remember going there last summer and seeing tons of hot Ukrainian babes working there, I could probably get a piece of them if I show them how much American money I carry. I can enjoy the rides on my days off and I don't have to worry about not being employed this summer. This is going to be the best summer ever!"

Needless to say, I was very naive. I applied immediately, received a callback within days, and was basically hired on the spot (which should have been a red flag). Awesome. There is no way I am going to regret this.

Fast forward one month: Goomba ends up bailing for another job, but Charzard convinces her roommate, Salad Fingers (a girl that, I shit you not, looks EXACTLY like Salad Fingers), to come along. It was a total downgrade, considering Goomba enjoyed action movies as much as I did, and Salad Fingers had a vocabulary of 141 words. But why should I really give a damn? I'm gonna meet some other fun people and have a blast.

Then comes move-in day. I eagerly drive four hours from Michigan to Sandusky while listening to "The Tom Leykis Show". It's a nice, sunny day and I am ready to kick off the best summer ever. I get to the living facilities at Cedar Point to check in, and am immediately thrown back at how shitty they are*.

*I wanted to post pictures of the rooms. I searched for pictures on Google and Cedar Point's employment website and could not find anything. Side note - Isn't it funny how the slogan is "Best Summer Job Ever"? They totally fooled me! Anyways, it's probably no coincidence that Cedar Point does not display any photos of the living facilities.

Most of the living facilities consisted of a standard, college-dorm-room-sized room that is usually designed to fit two people. There was one big problem: There were four fucking beds in the room (two bunk beds), meaning four people had to live in that room. Luckily for me, I only had two roommates, and one of them didn't bring anything. The other roommate just brought a computer to play "World of Warcraft" on, so there was a lot of spare room for my stuff.

The hallways literally reeked of fecal matter because there was a community bathroom at the end. The building was full of assholes that enjoyed pooping and not flushing the fucking toilet afterward. Meanwhile, there was no door on the bathroom*, so the stench of all the shit would linger until someone flushed the toilets. The hallways constantly smelled like a porta-potty.

* I presume that this is an effort to prevent rape. I'm not joking about that either - Women came into the building frequently and their only restroom option was the men's room. I have heard stories about women being sexually assaulted in the living facilities. I will say that I have absolutely no proof or documentation of such events, but would not doubt it.

Anyways, I'll I discuss more about the living facilities either. Just know that they're like a concentration camp, except without gas chambers.

After move-in, I drive to the park for orientation, which is just general check-in procedures and what not. I receive my uniform, rulebook, sign some paperwork, and go on a tour of the park. I think now is a good time to mention that I have spent a grand total of four to six hours checking in, and maybe spotted three relatively attractive women at the most. To the straight guys looking to work at Cedar Point, the poon is slim pickin's. There tons of girls, most of them are just not attractive. I should have realized this, because attractive women usually find waitressing/bar-tending/hostess jobs for the summer. I should really think these things through.

I ride some rides, go home, hangout with Charzard, who has been at the park for only one week and already hates her life, and then I go to sleep. My first day of work follows, and I am eager to start. I guess now would be a good time to mention what my job is: I sell Dippin' Dots at the park. That's right. If you or anyone you know purchased Dippin' Dots at Cedar Point during the summer of 2007 and had a mysterious death or accident soon after, it was probably because I prayed for it.

Our team is overstaffed on my first day, all of the available Dippin' Dots stations are filled. Is that going to stop them from using a valuable worker? Hell no! My manager, who is a total bitch, makes some phone calls and finds some work for me. Next thing I know, I was being transported in a golf cart over to one of the resort hotels inside the park.

They bring me into the arcade room at the hotel, had me help wheel the Dippin' Dots vending machine outside, gave me some gloves and cleaning supplies and told me the following:

"The power went out during the offseason. As a result, all of the ice cream in this machine spoiled. We're going to have you clean it out."

Me: "Ummmmmmm - When did the power go out????"


If you're keeping score at home, this was the middle of May. The ice cream spoiled back in December and has been locked inside of airtight containers inside the machine ever since. I clean out the vending machine all by myself. It literally took five hours. I had to pull out all of the packages, wipe everything down, a lot of the dots melted all over the inside of the machine. It was disgusting. It was like trying to clean out a porta-potty by hand. I wreaked of rancid milk for a week and could not get the smell out of my clothes. Imagine leaving 10 gallons of milk out in the sun for a week in an airtight container, and then bathing in it - That's what cleaning out a vending machine full of Dippin' Dots will do to you. So much for the best summer ever.

Working the Dippin' Dots

Fucking shoot me.

Before I continue, I want to say this: If you ever buy Dippin' Dots, don't fucking ask the person that is selling the Dippin' Dots how Dip N' Dots are made. They won't know. At least I did not know, and was asked that question multiple times every day. After a while, I just started making shit up. I told customers that a screen is placed over a freezer and ice cream is poured into the freezer. I told people that Dippin' Dots are not made, but rather grown in the North Pole. I told people that it was in the Bible and that they should go to Church more often. You get the idea. If you really need to know how Dippin' Dots are made, look it up.

Anyways, the vending machine was only the beginning. In retrospect, I think I would have rather cleaned out vending machines for four weeks. Imagine having to wait on a never-ending line full of impatient customers. Think about it: The "guests" at Cedar Point are here on vacation and want to ride rides. They wait in lines all day, the last thing they want to do is wait in a long line for overpriced ice cream. Here's a breakdown of what I had to deal with.


Parents were always a pain in the ass because they have ungrateful kids to drag around and their kids don't know what the fuck kind of ice cream they want. Who do they take their stress out on? That's right, me. Especially when I don't have the flavor that they want, the size that they want, or the change that I need to give them.

Most of the time I did not have a full inventory. I ran out of shit all the time. Change, cup sizes, flavors, patience, the list goes on. And it's not like I can just go tell someone that I need supplies. Employees are prohibited from using their phones while working, so I could not text anyone to bring me supplies. And the line NEVER ended. One time I actually took down a line of 25 people, and tried to refill some of my flavors really quick before more people showed up. My back was turned for five seconds, and when I turned back there were literally 10 or more people in line again - All staring at me as if I ignored them for 20 minutes to talk on the phone or smoke a cigarette.

Hearing Impaired:

One of the worst experiences came when I only had chocolate (most stations advertise 6-8 flavors), I ran completely out of quarters and dollar bills (everyone that goes to Cedar Point conveniently pays with $20 bills), and only had one cup size, which was large. This was all fun and games until a group of deaf and dumb kids came to the front of the line. I will never forget it, they asked for four different flavors that I did not have, wanted mediums, and only had ten dollar bills to pay with. I felt like I was in some sort of sitcom. Not only did I not have what they wanted, I did not know how to tell them. Meanwhile, the line kept getting longer and longer because I spent too much time trying to communicate without using sign language. Long story short, I sold them large chocolates and short changed them a couple dollars. They were really nice about it, but it's not something that I'm proud of. After all, who enjoys cheating handicapped people out of money?

Teenage Girls:

I hate teenage girls. The entire time I worked at Cedar Point, every teenage girl that bought Dippin' Dots flirted with me in attempt to get free/discount ice cream. I must really come off as a pedofile when I sell ice cream. Then again, who else would willingly spend their entire summer off selling Dippin' Dots?

Fat people:

Fat people are generally a blessing to wait on at Cedar Point. After all, they cannot fit into the rides, so eating Dippin' Dots is like the highlight of their day. Fat people were mostly appreciative of the ice cream and were excited to get it.

However -

There was one time I was slammed to the point where they brought in a worker from another restaurant to help me out (which only happened twice while I worked there). Like always, it was a never-ending line. I was collecting money outside of the booth as my coworker was scooping ice cream. Then comes along one of those scooter rats (a person who is too fat to walk and utilizes a motorized scooter to get around). She comes up to me and asks me if I could help her find a place to plug in and charge her scooter. Sure thing, lady. After all, I am outside at a fucking amusement park - there are plenty of outlets to charge a motorized scooter. I told the lady nicely "I will see what I can do, I have a long line". She circled the booth a couple of times and then yelled at me for not helping her. She bitched that her scooter was running low on power and needed to charge it.

Well Jesus H Christ! The bitch only had all day to charge her fucking scooter and waits until the last minute. Maybe if she didn't weigh so damn much the scooter would have a little more energy at the end of the day. She told me that I was a bad person and that she never had such bad service at Cedar Point. Meanwhile, I'm thinking why is this woman at Cedar Point in the first place if she cannot even ride any of the rides? That would be like an Amish person going to E3. What's the point of going somewhere if you cannot even enjoy the experience?

Sexual Harassment

I always thought that sexual harassment at the office was an overblown issue in the United States, and that most of it was just women trying to hit the jackpot in court. After all, I have read various news stories and cases where women filed lawsuits just because a male coworker gave them a hug after the female returned from a vacation. Sure, there are the bosses that bribe promotions and raises in exchange for sexual favors and the occasional relentless, stalking coworker. It was something that I always thought was not a serious issue because I had never experienced it myself. Not to mention, I love it when people of the opposite sex give me attention and compliments. So what's the big deal?

This was until a nice, sunny afternoon at Cedar Point. It was not very busy at the park, and a ton of people called into work at the pretzel station. They needed help, and since Dippin' Dots were slow, I was sent over to the pretzel station to help out. This meant that I had a different supervisor and set of coworkers.

The supervisor was a guy in his early 20's like me, and happened to not only be homosexual, but also very outspoken about it. I will refer to him as "Alf" for this story, because I need to keep anonymity. Plus, the thought of Alf sexually harassing people is hilarious. Anyways, the first time Alf saw me his eyes popped out of his head.
When Alf isn't busy making calls, he's promoting women and making babies simultaneously.

Alf: "Hey there, are you new?"
Me: "No I usually work Dippin' Dots, I was sent over here to help out for today."
Alf: "I see, yeah a lot of people called in today. I appreciate your help. You're a pretty good looking dude. You have a girlfriend?"
Me: "I do not."
Alf (excited): "You don't? You looking for love?"
Me: "Not really, I'm too young for a relationship right now, I just wanna have fun."
Alf: "Have you ever thought about experimenting with same sex?"

And that's how it started. He eventually had to go check on other stations, but he kept coming back to the station that I was at to - you know- CHECK ON ME! He frequently came back, and conversations would go like this.

Alf: "Hey buddy, please don't tell ANYONE about our conversation earlier, I was just messing with you, I have a boyfriend anyway!"
Me: "I know, don't worry about it. After all, I won't have to see you ever again after today."
Alf: "Awww that wasn't nice!"
Me: "And what you said earlier wasn't professional, what's your point?"
Alf: "Man, can I just taste it?"
Me: "WHAT!?"
Alf: "Come on man - after we close - we can just close down all of the shutters after everyone leaves and you can let me taste it."
Me: "Not happening."
Alf: "Please! Just let me taste it! I won't tell anyone!"
Me: "No, leave me alone."
Alf: "Come on! You might like it! Have you ever tried it before?"

A conversation along those lines happened about every hour or so for the rest of the day. In retrospect, I wish I would have reported him. However, that would have required paperwork and my spare time. As you will find out later, spare time was extremely scarce at Cedar Point. I only ran into him once or twice before I - ***SPOILER ALERT*** - quit working there, and each time it was just a quick "hey how's it going". Or in his case it was a "heellllllllooooooooooOOOOOOOooooOOOOOOOoooo!" *da dum ch!*

Rain Delay:

With Cedar Point being located on an island/peninsula in the middle of Lake Erie, it is actually surprising how little it rains at the park (or at least how little it rained while I was there). In a four week span, it really only rained once. Huge downpour, thunderstorm, people scattering to get into the restaurants, arcades, and other buildings. It was nuts. Even if people wanted to ride roller-coasters during a downpour and treat Cedar Point as essentially the greatest temporary waterpark on Earth, Cedar Point refuses to operate rides during a heavy downpour.

Pretty much all of the outdoor concessions shut down as well. In my case, we shut down for roughly two hours. Even though I was not selling ice cream, they still made me stay at the park until the weather cleared, so I ended up organizing my cash and inventory during the downtime. After the weather cleared and I started selling ice cream again, one of my supervisors did one of his routine check ups to make sure I had everything that I needed. I noticed he was a tad more pissy than usual, so I asked him what was up.

Supervisor: "You know how we were down for two hours and they made us stay at the park?"
Me: "Yeah?"
Supervisor: "They're not paying us for those two hours."
Me: "The fuck?"
Supervisor: "I know! You only have to sell two cups if Dippin' Dots per hour to compensate a worker, and you sell hundreds easily every hour."

To make a long story short, we eventually did get paid for that two hour rain delay. It took every employee to complain and make noise about it until we got a meeting one night and discussed all of our issues with upper management, where our department head agreed to pay us for those two hours. Regardless, the douche bag never apologized for threatening to not pay us in the first place, and he was a dick for even thinking about fucking his employees over like that. On top of that, because I had to close, I did not get any pizza at the meeting because all of the fat girls needed second and third helpings. Speaking of which -

Lunch Time:

Until I started working for the company that I work for now (which will go unnamed), Cedar Point was hands down the highest grossing business I had ever worked for. Before Cedar Point and since, I have worked at various privately owned restaurants and other businesses. What did all of those businesses have in common? They provided a break time as well as food for the employees on their breaks. Even if they did not provide food on breaks, they usually gave the employees a generous discount.

Cedar Point provided three different cafeterias/eating stations for employees, where they cooked for the employees and provided lots of food options. What was wrong with all of this? They charged full price on all of the food for the employees. They even charged for fountain pop, which is complete bullshit considering that fountain pop is not even worth the cup that contains it. The cheapest items on the menu were hot dogs, which if I remember correctly were usually one for $1 or three for $2. If you were planning on eating a full course meal prepared by the cooks, you generally spent $4 to $7 peer meal on what was usually shitty, elementary-school-cafeteria-grade food.

I know that some may argue that part of the reason why Cedar Point makes so much money is because they penny pinch and skim on shit like treating their employees well. Fair enough, nobody loves making money more than me. However, it does not change the fact that Cedar Point is a shitty place to work and a horrible experience, and that a huge part of the reason why it blows to work there is because the company cares little about their employees and does the bare minimum to accommodate them.


One time this group of teenage Chaldean dudes came to my booth. We talked about basketball for five minutes, and they loved me. They started a chant for 30 seconds saying "Kirk! Kirk! Kirk! Kirk! Kirk!". This was one of the few highlights of the four weeks, the other time was when I watched the trailer for the new "Rambo" movie. I will never forget that moment.

This is one of the only things that made me happy during the four weeks. Funny side story - After this trailer was out for a couple of months, I decided to go on Wikipedia and change the article on Burma to just say "Burma is a war zone" to quote Rambo. It was changed within minutes.

Children's Theme Songs:

I worked a few different odd jobs following Cedar Point, and nearly every one of my employers since thinks that I am a complete psychopath. This would be because I can recite countless nostalgic show themes while I work. The reason why I know all these songs is because I memorized them while working at Cedar Point to keep my sanity. Whenever there was any downtime, I would sing a song while I refilled Dots, cleaned up around the booth, etc. And it worked. I strongly recommend that anyone who hates their job learn some good show tunes from the 80's and 90's. You may think it's weird, and many people will think that there's something wrong with you. But fuck them. I think there's something wrong with them if they actually take joy out of a shitty job. Here's a list of songs I learned that summer...

Chip N' Dale's Rescue Rangers
Darkwing Duck

Non-Work Related Stuff

Some of the non-work related activities were just as disappointing was work related activities. One of the perks that comes with working at Cedar Point is unlimited access to the park and waterpark, Splash City. As noted before, part of the reason why I applied to work at Cedar Point was because I could spend my days off riding rides. I am also a huge fan of waterparks and have never checked out Splash City, so I was really looking forward to having a blast. There was one major problem with all of this:

Most departments at Cedar Point will only give you one day off per week.

I guess now would be a good time to mention how many hours I worked on average. Most days, I worked anywhere from 11-14 hours. The worst was when I worked 17 hours without a break.* Here is a schedule of a general 24 hour day working at Cedar Point:

* There was one day I worked 17 hours without a break. It actually was not Cedar Point's fault that I was too hard working for my own good and refused to stop on such a busy day. My managers thought they were in some deep shit at the end of the day when I told them that I worked 17 hours and they responded "Alright, minus lunch that will be 16" and I quickly interrupted them to say that I did not take a lunch break. You'd think they'd note my hard work and either let me off early the following night or something, but no. They don't reward hard work at Cedar Point. If you ever end up working at Cedar Point, don't work hard. It won't get you anywhere.

7:00 AM - Wake up. Eat breakfast. Shower, shave (male workers must shave EVERY day. I skipped one day and someone noticed), and get ready.
7:45 AM - Drive to the park, punch in.
8:00 AM - Clean work station (Dippin' Dots booth), prepare inventory, collect cash, move supplies to work station. This probably does not sound very time consuming, but the park is spread out. Walking back and forth and transporting between inventory stations, the bank, the stands - all of that alone eats up clock.
9:45 AM - Wait at station for the 10:00 AM open of the park.
10:00 AM - Work
3:00 PM - Lunch
4:00 PM - Work
10:00 PM- Close down. Count cash, inventory, and calculate the profit for the day. Return the money to the bank, walk back to the inventory station and check out. Sometimes this can take a while because managers are busy doing something else.
11:30 PM - 12:00 AM - Leave the park. Eat dinner if you have the energy to fucking cook and go to sleep.

That is the schedule for six days out of the week. With all of that said, whenever I had a day off, the last thing I wanted to do was walk around a theme park all day and stand in lines. This does not mention the fact that during the week, I had zero time to call people, go online, watch TV or catch up on anything. So I spent a lot of time on my days off regrouping, Facebooking, calling friends and family, etc. In fact, I may have masturbated a grand total of six times while I worked there, and never rode any of the rides on my days off because the work week is so damn exhausting.

The Staff Infection

Cedar Point provided me with some really uncomfortable, slip-resistant shoes during my orientation. And by provided, I mean they sold them to me for $25. While working there, with all of the walking back and forth, I received several blisters on my feet.

Side note: I was a runner in high school. I ran both track and cross country and trained my ass off year-round. Blisters and calyces on my feet were part of everyday life. Usually, the blisters would just go away on their own, or I would pop them a long as they were not red. They never bothered me and always disappeared on their own.

Back to Cedar Point: Walking around in the slip-resistant shoes gave me the biggest blister on my right big toe, so much so that it eventually engulfed everything short of the nail. As usual, I figured it would eventually go away on its' own. It would not go away, and walking around the park non stop in those fucking shoes only make it more painful, bigger, and worse. It got to a point where I limped between stations at the park.

After a few days, I began experiencing flu-like symptoms. One night, I went to bed as soon as I got home because I was very tired, cranky, and woozy. Luckily for me, my living area was full of degenerates that thought it would be a fantastic idea to pull the fire alarm in the middle of the night. I exited the building as if it were every other fire drill that partook in, and waited outside for someone to announce that it was a false alarm and to go back inside.

There was only one problem: A fire marshal had to come and turn off the alarm, which took forever. I was sitting outside for an hour and a half, and still the alarm still blared. There were even people that ignored the alarm and stayed inside the building to play video games, drink, have sex and what not. This is what the living facility is like - there is no order and really nobody in charge. After 90 minutes, I went to my car and went to sleep until I had to work.

The next day, I was a mess. I felt really cold because my body temperature was presumably high, and I could barely walk. It took me a half hour to walk less than half a mile to my station to tell my manager that I needed to see a nurse. My manager, who once again is a total bitch, told me that I would be considered tardy for the day because I did not call-in before work and let them know that I needed medical attention. Once again, Cedar Point loves their employees.

I walked to the first aid station at Cedar Point to see a nurse, which was backed up because - luckily for me - it was SPECIAL EDUCATION DAY - meaning a lot of people with disabilities required medical attention. I told the nurses that I had a blister on my foot, and they were not quick to deal with me because blisters are usually simple fixes for them. Then I took off my shoe and sock and their jaws hit the floor. The nurse refused to operate on the blister because it was one that she "had not seen before", and she immediately called over the head nurse who was just as horrified. The head nurse noted the red line going up my leg (which I then found out the red line meant that I had a staff infection) and informed me that I needed to go to the emergency room. Wonderful.

Being the gentleman that I am, I asked if I could go inform my managers that I needed to leave so that they could adjust their shifts accordingly. I walked all the way back, told my manager, who once again is a total bitch, that I have to see a doctor and will miss the rest of work. Keep in mind that I am barely able to walk, which is more than noticeable. Charzard worked at Power Tower the entire summer and always saw me walk by. That day, she told me that she literally felt bad for me because I was taking such baby steps and it was clear that I was in pain. My manager, who once again is a total bitch, informed me that my shift would be considered a "no call, no show" because I did not call in prior to work. She basically told me that me that I was considered "skipping" work for the day. To go to the hospital. Once again, total bitch.

To make a long story short, I was taken to ER, a doctor drained my toe and gave me antibiotics, and informed me that had I waited any longer they may have had to remove my foot. Wonderful. The good news is that when I called my manager later, who once again is a total bitch, she actually removed her devil horns and told me that my absence would be excused. I also told her that I was not to be on my feet for two weeks, which I figured would mean that I get a couple days off of work at least. But no, they just put me at an outdoor concession and gave me a stool to sit on while I tried not to shit my pants from the antibiotics.

Getting Paid

Cedar Point was such a shitty job that even the best part about most jobs, which is getting paid, was such a pain in the ass. Cedar Point employees are paid biweekly, so we did not get paid until after three weeks of working there. When the check finally came in, there was a huge problem: I could not cash it until after work. For those keeping score at home, I did not get off work until usually midnight, and banks generally close after 5 PM. There was only one option: I had to drive all the way across town to Wal-Mart to cash my check.

It was not like I had time to wait either. As I said, I did not get paid for three weeks. I was flat broke and only had 10 dollars to my name. I was running out of the food stock that I had brought with me, and Cedar Point charges their employees for EVERYTHING. Furthermore, a ton of other employees were in the same position, thus there was a long wait at Wal-Mart. Because of this, I did not get home until 2:30 AM, and still had to get up at 7:00 AM for work. Had FMyLife existed, I would have updated every day I worked there.


It may come as surprising that none of the things that I mentioned were the reason for my departure from Cedar Point. Sure, they all played a role - everything that I went through lead to me quitting. But the straw that broke the camel's back came when I requested a weekend off in late June.

One of my best friends had moved to Atlanta the previous summer and I promised that I would come down to visit. We picked a weekend in June because the Detroit Tigers were playing in Atlanta against the Braves that weekend. My buddy bought the tickets to the game, and I booked my flight. The only thing left to do was to make sure that I did not have to work that weekend.

When I did my over-the-phone interview with Cedar Point in April, one of the questions I asked was whether or not I would be able to get time off. The man that interviewed me, who ended up being one of my supervisors, told me that it was very simple to get time off and that it would not be a problem at all.

Fast forward: I was in my third week at Cedar Point, and I was four weeks out from flying to Atlanta. I told my manager, who once again is a total bitch, that I needed four days off in June. She told me that all I had to do was fill out a request slip and submit it to the attendance office.

Three days go by, I am counting my cash and inventory after another long day at work. My manager, who once again is a total bitch, informed me that I could only have two of those days off in June, and that I would have to find someone to cover my shift for the other two days. Wonderful. There will be people waiting in line to give up their one day off during the week to cover my shift. I checked out for the night, finished off my week, and called around my hometown to see if I could get any jobs.

The following Monday I woke up at 7:30 AM and waited for my shift time to start. Then without warning, I called the attendance office, and this is how the conversation went:

Secretary: "Hello - Cedar Point attendance office"
Me: "Hello my name is Kirk Wilcox. I just wanted to let you know that I will not be coming into work today."
Secretary: "Why not? Are you sick or did something happen?"
Me: "Nope. I am not sick. I am just choosing not to come into work today."
Secretary: "Ummmm"
Me: "I will be processing out later today, so don't even bother writing me up."

Quitting Cedar Point was also a pain in the ass. I have left and quit numerous jobs in my lifetime, and none of them were nearly as complicated as Cedar Point. Aside from packing up and moving all of my stuff into my car, I had to fill out and sign numerous documents stating that I was not able to apply to work at Cedar Point for at least seven years*, I had to fill out forms for them to send me my checks and anything else they needed to send me, they even made me scrape off my parking sticker. Because heaven forbid I drive all the way back to Sandusky once or twice that summer and Cedar Point lose a measly $20 off me in parking.

*I occasionally have dreams where Cedar Point has become a global powerhouse and everyone is rushing to work for Cedar Point. I always find myself left out because I legally cannot apply. Despite my dreams, I doubt I will ever regret quitting that Hellhole.

Last Words

I know a lot of this seems bitchy - Boo hoo hoo I don't want to work long hours - Boo hoo hoo I didn't make much money - Boo hoo hoo I'm too tired to go to a theme park for free - Boo hoo hoo I was sexually harassed and too lazy to report it - Boo hoo hoo my room smells - Boo hoo hoo I'm too incompetent to hold a real job during a summer and have to settle for a shithole like Cedar Point.

It is what it is. There are a ton of foreign kids that work long hours at Cedar Point without thinking twice about it because they come from third-world countries where low-wage manual labor jobs are second nature. There are also a lot of people that don't mind working endless hours to make as much money as possible in a limited span. If working 70-100 hours in a week for minimum wage without overtime for an entire summer is what you're looking for, then by all means, apply to Cedar Point today.

All I want to do is warn potential applicants of what they will face. Working at Cedar Point is Hell. You will work long hours for six days out of the week, and just about everybody else that works there is unhappy. By the time you get a day off, you are too exhausted to do anything fun. The living facilities suck ass, and there is not much authority there*. Sure, Cedar Point states that if you are found breaking the rules or break any laws, you will be terminated. That does not stop people from acting like idiots.

*A few weeks after I quit, Charzard told me a story about how she got two new roommates one day while she was at work. The roommates decided that they did not want to live with her. When Charzard returned after a long day at work, she found most of her stuff outside of the door, and she was locked out of her room. She really did not have a place to sleep and had to be moved the next day. This is the stuff that happens at the living facilities.
The only time I have ever used Linux OS was at Cedar Point. It took ten minutes for those fucking machines to load Facebook.

Bottom line: Don't work at Cedar Point. Even if you want to make a lot of money, there are plenty of jobs out there that will pay the same amount for 60 hours of work that Cedar Point will for 90. Why work more hours when it is unnecessary? Working at Cedar Point sucks ass. Working at Cedar Point is not fun. There are no friends to be made working at Cedar Point. And Cedar Point does not give a rat's ass about their employees. If Cedar Point actually cares about their workers, then they would at the very least upgrade their computers from Linux fuck Operating System to something tolerable in the activity center for employees.

Just for comparison - I have a ton of friends that worked at Disney World for entire summers and semesters. All of them have said that they missed working there, did not regret it, and wished they could relive the experience. They too worked long hours and what not, but Disney seems to actually care about their employees create a fun experience for their employees. That cannot be found at Cedar Point.

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