The Best of Craigslist Personals - Volume 2

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It's been a while!

The two year anniversary of my website is near. One of the ideas I had when I initially launched my website was to find awful personal ads on Craigslist, post them, and critique them. However, there was one major problem with this awesome idea:

I only did it one time!

So I decided to finally do some research and find some more ridiculous Craigslist personals. This is The Best of Craigslist - Volume 2!



"Hey Ladies I am new too the area and looking for a friend to show me around , go out or just hangout together. I'm really wanting to go to the monster truck show this Saturday but not sure where it is and also only have my Semi here so far. Not looking to get laid but if it happens it happens. Just wanting to get out and see the big city of bismarck and see the sites so if your interested text or email me here is my cell five*seven*five*eight*eight*. Please put welcome in subject line so I know your real. All others will be deleted"






I will give you points for ducking Cragislist's phone number policy by spelling out every other number. I bet it worked wonders, especially considering that women are lining up to go on dates to monster truck rallies with fat, bald semi-truck drivers that are older than 40. You have a better chance with a Cub Scout than you do with a grown woman.


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"Hey my name is chris im 21 decent looking I think lol have a good head on my shoulders im very funny an I treat wemon like goddesses I think because of that I get treated like shit my last relationship lasted a year an a half till I caught her cheating I jus need sumone who really cares if ur interested u can txt me with a pic five one five two three zero eight nine five five...not a scam an I am as real as it gets have a good day..."


Wow.


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"Hey there how are you tonight well I am looking for a long term relationship I don't want someone that is going to play games I don't have time for that in my life I love to laugh and joke around camping and fishing and hunting I live for I love to be outdoors pretty much all year long but I do like to take it easy and cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie to well if ya want to know more about me feel free to send me a message well I look forward to hearing from you"






If you would like women to take you seriously, follow these steps:

Step 1: Go back to the first grade
Step 2: LEARN HOW TO USE PERIODS, COMMAS, AND OTHER BASIC PUNCTUATION


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"Must have good heart and love clean fun"






Sick tats bro!


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"Hi,i am 28,single and live on my own.i am not into games but not trying to jump into anything.i am looking for that incredibley badass woman to hold me down.send me a pic if interested & put 28 in the subject line."






"I am not into games but not trying to jump into anything"

What the fuck does that even mean? What is it that you want? A long-term relationship? Someone to help you shop for new camouflage pants? To pump and dump? Date rape? Cuddle? Hold hands in Church? My head hurts. Decide what the hell it is you want and then get on Craigslist. And by saying that you want a woman to "hold you down", I automatically assume that you want a fat girl.

No need to worry though, I found the perfect match for you!


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Hey! I'm crystal I'm 26. I trun 27 Friday Woooooohooooo! Yea not really happy about that. Any ways I'm looking for some one to kick it with not just a fwb.... I'm a pretty down to earth fun and yes crazy and maybe wild some times needless to say I'm pretty wild sometimes but arnt we all lmao any ways hmu ;)"






First of all, learn to use contractions idiot. Secondly, it goes without saying "I'm pretty down to Earth" considering it would take a crane to lift you up off the ground. Third, you say that you're wild sometimes, then go onto say that it's "needless to say" that you're "pretty wild" in the same sentence. I know how to read, and reread, asshole. You don't need to say the exact same thing twice in the same fucking sentence. On the other hand, maybe the people-that-can-read demographic is a little out of your league to begin with.


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I'm a girl with a very hectic schedule. I'm a non smoker, d/d free and am seeking a man who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go after it. I'm tired of the time wasters and loves to do things on the spur of the moment but isn't afraid of a girl with a career. If you want somebody who is fun, and free then please get back to me."






If being a non smoker is the most redeeming quality that you can reveal in a one paragraph description about yourself, it's time to rethink your life.


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Are there any guys out there with a good head on their shoulders, actually looking to settle down with the right person and not play head games? I am not a barbie by any means and neither am I cow. I have curves, thick, a few extra pounds....how ever you want to put it."



I think I will put it like this: You ARE in fact, a cow.



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